Recent events have got me thinking a lot about anger.
When I was in my early twenties, I had a picture of my aura taken, you know, out of curiosity. I had been on a spiritual path at the time, doing yoga, drinking noni juice, devouring books on life, meditation, etc. I felt sure that my aura would be purple or blue, the color of peace and calm. But it turned out to be a flaming, lava red, which really pissed me off.
Now, granted that there are positives to a red aura. It represents energy, a can-do attitude, really not that uncommon in young people. But it also showed that I was essentially an angry person.
But did I really need my aura to tell me that? Anyone who knew me could have diagnosed me in a snap . My sisters even coined the term ‘dark cloud’ to describe my miserable teenage angst. I couldn’t understand all that was wrong with the world. I was mad about deforestation, I was angered by the living conditions and the treatment of migrant workers. Racism, sexism, the censoring of speech and of writing enraged me. Injustice had me livid.
It wasn’t just the big stuff that got to me, however. As a kid , I was mad that I couldn’t do many of the things I wanted to do because I felt the adults (however unjustified) were holding me back. Now I’m the adult (I wonder what my aura looks like today). Just yesterday, I got so mad because Butterball refused to drink her fluids even though she was sick with fever. So it really doesn’t matter if you’re a kid or an adult. If you’re mad, you’re mad.
Anger fuels. It can drive one to make important changes, to improve, to excel. When people told me I couldn’t do something, anger was what drove me to prove them wrong. But anger also drains. It depletes and saddens, and inevitably makes life hard for the people nearest and dearest to you. I want to be an effective person who can make a positive difference. But can I do that minus the anger? Can you? Can anyone?
I know there is some huge life lesson I’m supposed to learn here. If you read this and have some wisdom to share, please do.